Pass It On...

Think of the people in your life who are the most kind.  Do you devote time to them? Do you surround yourself with people who exhibit kindness and make it a priority to at least attempt to send some back their way?

My friend reminded me of Plato's quotation: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." It's true meaning has become more clear as the years pass, but I came across it in my first job managing others.  A woman had come into the clinic and was treating everyone terribly.  She offended someone to the point of bringing her to tears.  We finally put her in a private room and I went in to talk to her.  I was livid that she had upset the staff so much, but walked in, sat down and asked what we had done in the 10 minutes that she had been in the clinic to upset her so.  She started weeping.  I was shocked but waited for her to explain.  Turns out her husband had been shopping for groceries the week prior, was bringing them in, and slipped on the back steps.  He had fallen and hit his head.  He passed away that night.   She told me she hadn't cried about it yet- she was trying to be strong for her kids.  The next week at the staff meeting, I told the story and reminded everyone to be kind.  Including me personally.  It was a lesson I often think of and try to hold close.

  

I am on a quest to become a better, kinder version of myself every day.  Sometimes I get so caught up in everything else that I forget the basics.  Everyday life can do that to you.  You get so busy multitasking, going from Point A to Point B and back again that stopping to hold the door for an elderly woman or picking up a toy dropped by the child behind you doesn't happen.  And yet, isn't that truly what it's about? 

When I look at the people in my life I find inspiration.  It took a long time to realize that friendship is always a conscious choice.  It's a choice to devote energy to relationships with the right people.  As it turns out, the friends who are most significant in my life are the kindest people.  They wipe my kids noses and leave potted tulips on my doorstep and ask how I'm doing, how things are going.  I really don't know how I got so lucky.   

When the rush is over, the frantic dash complete, kindness stands alone, casting beams of sunlight after the rain.  Kind.  It is how I remember my mom.  I can only hope to leave such an awesome legacy.

Success?

Yesterday, as I was driving over the water, sun on my face, to visit another old friend, memories of years past swirled in my head.  I was particularly thinking about my college years.  Those days were so full of hopeful anticipation of the life that stretched out before me.  Anything could happen.  God, they are fond memories.

All of us have traveled our own paths since, some truly going on to change the world in big ways, and others in smaller ways that still matter.  I was marveling at the uniqueness of each of our lives since we graduated, which made me wonder who has found success.  I started to question whether the word success as it's defined even really matters in the end.

My idealistic vision of success has changed since the years I planned runs (my time to think) around making it up the lawn to the rotunda in the early morning sun.  Back then I was busy climbing towards some far-off place full of accomplishments, where, once I'd arrived, I'd finally sit back and enjoy the view.  What I didn't realize then was that the joy of late night Little Johns, lectures that challenged me, and Foxfield in the spring was not a part of the climb. I was already on the proverbial mountaintop at the time.

So how about now? There are people in my life who, hands down, have made an incredible impact... but yet it's become clearer that those things aren't "it." At least for me.  For me, success in this moment is  finding peace and happiness in the life I lead and those things are not implicitly connected to achievements (though they have certainly helped propel me forward).

Now my goals aren't as objective as they once were.  I strive to continue growing, to be a good friend, to laugh, but also to allow myself to feel pain when it comes.  I want to always be unfraid to go all in, even if it's risky. 

Funny though, because it doesn't much matter to anyone else what my goals are or how I define success.  That's something we all have to find for ourselves.  How incredibly invigorating to be a part in not only my own adventure but to catch a glimpse of what "it" is for those walking beside me.  I'm still full of hopeful anticipation.

Old friends

 “I always wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.” – 
-Gilda Radner

What if the day we met someone the path we would travel together was visible? What if a movie screen in our hearts revealed a quick trailer of what was to be? Maybe it would change the story to know in advance.  Plus, that would change the "delicious ambiguity," as Gilda Radner describes it.  The joy of discovery and of looking back years later thinking how incredible life is.

Old friends are so unique because they were there before it all.  They've walked beside you and remember who you are at the core.  And when the bad cards are dealt, they help you rebuild your hand.  People inevitably change through their own triumphs and failures. That's what makes enduring friendship so special because as much as we change, it stays constant.

I was recently talking with an old friend about how our time together is energizing.  She is going through one hell of a crisis helping not one, but two family members in the fight of their lives and somehow she remains optimistic.  The same girl I used to laugh with around the lunch table in the school cafeteria is still in there.  It amazes me.  I realized that she energizes me by being the kind of person she is.  One who can appreciate each day for the value it has.  Who remembers that being kind and willing to laugh can be the best remedy.  And though neither of us is perfect, somehow we have managed to hang on to our connection to one and other.  I wish desperately that she and I could hold hands and jump into the flood of uncertainty her family is facing and figure out a way to fix it.

In the end I guess there are a lot of things we can't control.  But we do have the opportunity to maintain those friendships that have seen us through it all.  To attempt to give as much as we take.  Then when we look back together, the staggering beauty of the story will be something we never expected.

Change. Grow. Be happy.

Life is about change.  It's always our choice to grow with the changing tides or stand still until they crash down around us.

Even though it's been almost four years, the details of that morning are still so fresh.  I think a lot of people say that about the moment they found out that they lost someone they loved.  I remember the phone ringing and each word that hung in the air as my brother told me on a long distance call that she was gone.  The packing and the rush to get home.  The disbelief. 

My mom passed away in her sleep in February, 2008.  My uncle spoke in his eulogy about her watching the moonlight bounce off the Chesapeake Bay as she took her last breath.  My dad spoke of St. Francis of Assisi and the way he lived his life fully, completely, and bravely, straight through to the end.  That was to make an "art of life," and that was his Marsha Beth.  And my mom.  The one who sang me to sleep as a child and made me believe as an adult. 

The things my uncle and my dad said the day we told her goodbye stuck with me.  In the years since, I have become committed to notice the moonlight and to live more like St. Francis.  I think that changing point in my life had a positive impact on the person I am.

I've found that in recent years, my priorities have shifted a bit.  More towards embracing the little moments and away from all of the other noise.  The things that don't matter.  In doing so, my heart is so full.  Somtimes, I feel like it might burst.

I guess this blog will be about my own response to the changing seasons of life.  We all are responsible for making our own way.  For chosing to be kind and giving.  And happy.  It's the way I honor her.