Gratitude

The season of thanks-giving is upon us.  And I'm not really referring to turkey day, but the general effort I am witnessing by many friends to express their gratitude for people and things in their lives.  I have really found it uplifting to read all these expressions of love for life.  It's made me feel a bit more focused as the holidays approach.  Focused on filling up my heart with people and things that emanate goodness and remembering how amazing life is.

A few days ago I was talking with some other moms about the petty things that can weigh us down on a daily basis.  We all battle these distractions, and it's hard to work to stay the course and assign value to things that truly deserve it.  When pulled in so many directions, it can be hard to pick yourself up out of a funk (which for me began today when the dog ate the entire loaf of bread I just bought) and move forward with choosing to be loving and kind.  It's always a choice.

I am grateful every day for the friends in my life who help me on this journey to be a better version of myself. I started thinking about my journey when I was talking to a patient this week about the value of friendships and how much it means when someone knows a good chunk of your story (or nearly all of it).  I have had some struggles along the way so far.  Pain and despair, grief and sadness.  But I have not let it harden my heart.  I believe in optimism, despite the bad things that happen.  People are good.  There are reasons to be grateful every day.

I have to choose to fit gratitude into the craziness of my current day-to-day existence.  It's a lot of work.  And I have to admit that there are definitely times when I get way too fired up about a Starbuck's croissant mashed into the floor of the backseat of the car, or some of the cartoons that seem to entice me to step over the threshold to crazy town.  But I am a work in progress.  I strive to step back and be grateful.  And, oh, how I am blessed in ways that I never imagined (twins, what?!).  Their faces are my light.  Muddling my way through difficulties has led to joy.  My heart is full.

As the holidays approach, I wish you gratitude even in the craziest and most difficult moments.  Spread it around to those in your world.  It might be just what someone needs to turn it around and to open their heart to the beauty of simply living another day. Stay focused and press on through the pettiness.  A grateful heart will see you through.  Each day on this planet we have a chance to live the way we want to live and to revel in the celebration.

"Happiness.  Not for another place, but this place.  Not for another hour, but this hour."
-Walt Whitman

Life has been a little hectic since January.  Ok, very hectic.  Hectic to the point that it is difficult to come out of multi-tasking mode.  I guess that's what happens when you "double down" on kids.  Yesterday, I was in the car without them (my friend was driving) and it felt like I was neglecting something or someone because I could just sit there and do nothing but chat with her.  On a daily basis, I have adjusted to juggling as many tasks as possible.  I only sometimes pour egg whites instead of cream in my coffee or panic that I left my wallet in a parking lot when it's really in my bag where it belongs, but usually things turn out okay. 

I've heard it said that multitasking in this way can make us unable to do anything well.  That may be true in some aspects of life, but in my case a strange thing has happened.  I have become better at appreciating goodness.  When I do have moments of peace or happiness or joy, I experience those moments so much more vividly than ever before.  I guess maybe it's because it takes more work to achieve a state of calm, or because that state is more rare.  But I just started to really stop and allow myself to take in the glow of sunshine on my face, or the sound of my kids laughing in the crashing waves, or the smell of the grill.  And it got me thinking: why didn't I do this before? Why wasn't I acutely aware of the vibrant joy in every day life?

I have to note that losing my mom  five years ago brought me a lot of clarity about living in the moment and the things that really matter.  Anyone who has lost a loved one can relate to the feeling that life is short.  That each day must be lived.  Really lived.  I now realize that the definition of real living evolves with us as we make our journey.  This morning in between grabbing a quick shower after feeding the twins their morning cereal and filing claims for work, I thought: the level of craziness at which I'm currently operating is certainly not ordinary.  My life is not ordinary.  But then, whose life is?  

Ten years ago, living an extra-ordinary life had a whole different meaning for me. I marveled at bright blue lakes while hiking in Croatia and took in the beauty of Piazza Navona under the night sky with the one I love.  But now I am starting to find the same joy in the simplest aspects of every day life.  In the realization that my life is not ordinary even though I do ordinary things every day. 

In all of the chaos, my focus has sharpened.  I think (in order to survive) I have unconsciously prioritized the things that truly matter and begun to ignore the rest of the noise.  And this has made me tune into joy even more deliberately than before.  It is possible to be joyful in the midst of chaos.  I'm not sure if it's my life experience or my current state of chaos that helped me to realize this, but I know it's something I want to pass on to my kids.  Be present.  Be open.  Be busy and crazy and live a life that is full, but in the frantic shuffle of it all, don't lose your focus.  If you look for joy, you will realize it is all around you.